
Have you ever wondered, if policemen are, as I try to teach my children the good guys, why your heart takes a dip every time you see a cop car? I was reminded on Friday...
Doug's mom has been in town for several days. I thought it would be nice to balance our, taking it easy days, with something a little out of the ordinary. So we picked up Porter early from school on Friday (something I hadn't yet done, except for dr/dentist appts) and we headed off to the arboretum. We love it there (pictures to come! We had a nice afternoon, and headed back near 5 pm. The main highway returning home was really busy, and I almost turned off to take a less traveled route home, but decided that traffic wasn't that bad yet... Poor mistake #1...
I was traveling in the left most lane near a heavily commercialized area, and two lanes over an alleged bus pulled over to let some students out in front of an apartment complex...
What? There was a bus? I didn't see it... poor mistake #2... (but my mother in law didn't see it either!) Now, I was tired, and I actually don't doubt that there probably was a bus there. I wouldn't be surprised if I did drive right past it. But there was a line of cars between me and the bus.
However, because I honestly had no idea why I was getting pulled over, I think it is debatable .... when was the stop sign extended, and when were the lights turned on.... Possibly as I was passing the bus? Maybe it was a completely different dark colored mini-van.
According to the very RUDE policeman there was a line of cars also stopped for the bus. He said he stopped for the bus. All I know is, I didn't move into the left lane to pass anyone. I'd been there the whole time, from the moment I pulled onto this highway 10 miles previous. Why didn't the cars right in front of me stop?
But let's get back to the RUDE policeman. While I was not overjoyed to see him, I wasn't disrespectful in any way when he approached my car and started barking at me, accenting every word.... "Do You Have Any Idea Why I Pulled you Over?" "Do You Even Have a Driver's Licence?" "I don't Give Warnings for SUCH SERIOUS OFFENSES."
Um, yeah, I already feel bad enough, do you have to make me feel like such a CRIMINAL? He even threatened to take me in because I was asking questions before I signed the paper he shoved in front of me. I just wanted to make sure I understood completely what I was signing, and what was expected of me.
Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't help but ask him after he'd finished all of his business, my voice shaking mind you, "I have three small children in my car and my mother-in-law... why are you being so rude to me?" Then he tried to deny or downplay his attitude, and tell me he was reacting to my attitude... Whatever.
So the problem, I'd like to just pay the fine, and be done with it. I don't know if I am guilty or innocent, frankly there' s high probability of either one. I'd rather not deal with the emotional strain. I want to be DONE with this whole ordeal.
But oh, no, just paying the fine isn't an option. I have to go before the JUDGE... lovely. And my court date isn't until April. Doug wants me to plead not guilty, and fight it, so I most likely won't have a trial until the fall... Trial??? I don't want to go to trial over this... I realize, I should have seen the bus... I should have stopped, but none of this was deliberate. I know the law. Thankfully no one was hurt (like a child would have been crossing that busy street anyways, I don't cross it in a car with out help from a stop light, let alone on foot). But we looked up the fine. A minimum of $200 (yucky, but doable) A maximum of $1000 (okay, maybe it will be worth my while to endure this process). Our insurance will probably go up. What a mess... What a mess...
Oh yeah, and now Porter has a terrible connotation with cops. As we were leaving Porter said, "I hate cops. They're so mean." So much for my efforts to teach him that cops are the good guys and they help us and we shouldn't be scared of them...I am officially terrified again... I just told Porter that the cop didn't have to be so rude about it, but Mommy should have seen the bus.
I've obviously thought a lot about it. Kind of hard to get it out of my mind. Again, I am so grateful that no one was hurt. I am grateful that I don't have to fix a damaged car, mine of someone elses.
I thought, what if I would have taken the other route home? What if I hadn't asked the kids if they had to go to the bathroom before we left, we would have left five minutes earlier. What if we hadn't made that second trip back to the turtle pond? What if I would have listened to Doug, and left Porter in school and not even tried to make the trip? (Is that why it happened? Punishment for taking Porter out, even though Doug wasn't crazy about the idea?) What if... what if... what if... I can't live my life that way. And there are so many variables that put me there at that exact moment, I can think , it was just bad timing, or perhaps my card was up to learn a lesson this way. And if this hadn't happened Friday afternoon, something would have happened the next day or the next week. There was a major accident on the freeway right around the time I was receiving my ticket, perhaps we would have been involved in that accident. It also makes me think, a hundred little things put me there at that instant, how many catastrophes does the Lord protect me from with little things to keep me away from a spot at a particular instant.
I've been praying for peace, and the ability to just let this go... and I realize that in the grand scheme of things it is small, and it could have been so much worse, but I still need to get some peace and move my thoughts on from this experience (hopefully this lengthy blog entry will be somewhat cathartic). But I read Elder Eyring's talk from conference this morning, the one on Remember Remember... I love that talk. He said, essentially that we keep our baptism covenants and the sacrament covenants to always remember the Savior as we look for the ways the Lord touches our lives each day. We need to take time daily to look for His hand in our lives and we will see it...
So, with this experience... How can I flip how I view it?
It's a learning experience for me. Sometimes I do get careless in my driving. I need to be careful!
Gratitude for what didn't happen. I do feel so blessed and grateful that it wasn't worse.
It's a teaching opportunity for my children. We make mistakes, intentional or not, and we pay the consequences. I can have a good attitude or a bad attitude, and I'd like to teach my children how to have a good attitude. So if, when I go before the judge, things don't turn out how we hope, I'm not going to gripe and moan and complain about it.
Another lesson for the kiddos... People are going to be rude to us in the world, and we can be rude back, and let it get us down, or we can blog about it :), get if off our chests, and let it go. Satan wants us to hold things in and let them fester. When I'm distracted and upset, I have a tendency to be snappy and rude to the people I love. I don't give my best or my all to them. I don't want to be that way.